Saturday, October 20, 2018

Details: Regression of The Mind

This is a post about the implementation details behind and between ideas from other posts. It's a deeper look into my thoughts and feelings, so you have been warned.

In the past few days, I feel like my mind and body have regressed in functionality, despite a consistent and heavy investment in meditation and yoga. It's like one step forward, and then two steps back. I wasn't able to pay attention in normal conversations as my mind keeps on drifting to something else. Despite what I read, like having a purpose, interest, and curiosity during conversation, I didn't really remember those things during real life situations. I suppose some of that is more about lack of practice -- can't expect to be good at something without actually practice and using what I have learned. 

Today, it feels kinda ok. Guess the mind and body has its up and down regardless of what you do, or maybe I may still be doing something wrong unknowingly. It would be nice if we have a monitor that shows our stats -- cognitive abilities, mental energy, attention span, physical shape, etc, so we know how we are doing in order to better do things that improve our stats.

Emotionally feels apathetic as I keep trying to accept everything and everyone as perfect in their own way, so that I can better understand and then improve while remaining happy. And that doesn't really motivate me. It feels like motivation has a lot to do with our emotions (e.g. passion). So I am thinking of changing Step 5 of Master Check to be "Embrace positivity, such as having fun, love others, focusing on positive side / emotions, etc". 

Accepting everyone is perfect in their own way has been a bit difficult as there are really lots of not-so-good people out there that do crappy things that makes life not enjoyable. Like companies that use automated service to keep calling me every morning around 7am to sell insurance or what not using random numbers, despite being added to their 'do not call list' so many times. Even my own kids fighting all the time despite everything that I teach them (maybe they are too young?). Or many people tend to keep focusing on the negative side of things that makes thing worse and not better. It's interesting why people keep on doing the obviously wrong things, and refuse or just don't care to improve so they can be happier. Silently chanting "accept everyone without judgement / expectations"... 

Accepting everything is perfect may also have conflicts as there are certainly some unfortunately events, such as horrible accidents or crime, that "perfect" is just never the right word to describe it. Originally, I wanted to use "perfect" as a short way to remove the judgement/expectations as if there is only one "best" state, then there is nothing to compare against. Perhaps "accept everything as-is"? 

Guess I have much to learn. I am reading a book called "Flow" right now, it's interesting how it describes consciousness, intentions, attentions, and self in great detail -- hopefully, it will have some interesting bits of information to give me an "ah ha" moment at the end that makes some of my conflicts click and resolve. Otherwise, the hunt of abstracting and simplifying life continues. 

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