Friday, May 26, 2017

Living Life without Regret and Blame

It's actually easy to live your life without regret and blame by simply trusting yourself and others -- just needs a little bit of time learning to trust and how to properly trust, but worth it as you will live a happier life. This is part of the Great Leadership blog series.

Have you ever blamed someone? Your ex-girl/boyfriend/spouse for cheating on you? Your boss for giving the promotion to your peer instead of you? The President of the USA for wanting to export immigrants? All those things are rooted base on a lack of trust in others, or even yourself. Let's take the common hypothetical example of your boss giving the promotion to your peer instead of you. When that happens, you might blame your boss for not valuing you and making a poor choice, and you might blame your peer for getting the promotion instead of you. Once you start to blame, you feel bad yourself and your interaction with them start to sour, which comes back to haunt you later -- so it's a lose-lose situation. Let's see how we can fix that with trust. First, start by trusting your boss and your peer -- generally, trust should be earned but quite often it is good to start with trust first. With that in mind, once the promotion happened but you believe you would have been a better fit for the job and not sure why you weren't chosen, simply be open and talk to your boss by letting him/her know your concerns in a friendly conversation. Same can happen with your peer as well if the conversation with your boss isn't enough. Likely you will find out somethings about the position, your boss, your peer, or even yourself, that you didn't know about -- the reasons that you didn't get the promotion. The key is trust and being open, and you would never need to blame. 

Most people have regrets in their lives -- young and foolish, remember? ^_^. If you blindly trust, by letting someone make a major decision for you or letting someone care for your pet or other important things in your life, you will end up blaming them if something didn't go well and regretting about it later. So you must trust by trusting yourself first and remember that you made the decision to trust the other person, so whatever happens, you can't blame others for your own decision, nor should you regret about it. Bad decision does happen once awhile for anyone. Regretting about a decision that you already made is not going to change anything, so no point. Learn from the mistake, move on, and do better next time.

A few months ago, I didn't trust my dentist's recommendation to remove my kids' cavities. I thought baby teeth will fall out soon, it's better to wait and not worth the risk of the operation, and that I didn't do any of these when I was young. But soon the cavities started to grow larger and there are still a few more years before the baby teeth will come out. Eventually, I started to worry and thought it was better to trust my dentist's decision to finally remove the cavities, then I talked to the dentist to learn more about the risks and turned out there are close to none. Since I waited so long, and the cavities became bigger, it ended up being more expensive. If I had trusted and talked sooner, it would have been a quicker fix and less expensive.

So, first, trust yourself, and then trust others, but you must always be the one making the decision, even to trust other's decisions. Once made, as it is your decision, no one to blame, and no point regretting about it -- learn, move on, and be happy. :) The sooner you trust and openly communicate, the faster you resolve the problem before it comes a bigger problem that will cause you more trouble.

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