Details: Self-Improvement is Hard

This is a post about the implementation details behind and between ideas from other posts. It's a deeper look into my thoughts and feelings, so you have been warned. 

I have been reading a lot recently and don't really have anything useful to share, and hence haven't posted in a while.

Reading a lot as in reading almost every waking moment outside of work and necessary stuff at home. Until I got sick of reading. Haha. Too much reading and learning where my brain is telling me it's enough and needs time to process them. 

In the past few weeks, I have been reading about reading fast using your right brain, LOL, and doing math with big numbers in your head, memory techniques, yoga, meditation, and several more books on leadership. It's amazing how much human knowledge there are -- everything that would have taken a lifetime to learn now could be transferred to another person in just a book in a matter of hours. Currently, I am in the process of reading about day to day duties of a manager and re-reading Search Inside Yourself since I don't remember much from the first time I read it at least a year ago. 

Aside from the amazing acknowledge of knowledge transfer from books, it's a lot of information to absorb and actually remember and make use of them. I did try to use some of the memory techniques that I learned, but they still take some practice to become skillful at them and at times still hard to come up with interesting motion pictures for abstract ideas. There is also a concept of a mind map, which I am still not sure how useful that is due to its structure. Once I realize their values and practical applications, I will post about them.

Many of the books also state similar ideas using different words and concepts. There are so many different ways, which makes things harder to fully comprehend. Hopefully, everything will click at some point and then that would make an interesting post -- yet another perspective, but hopefully more consolidated. 

Lastly, I have also been doing yoga and meditation lately -- not just reading about them. Interesting to know that yoga, in its original form from India, encompasses meditation and many other areas. Both takes time to see the benefits, and so while I have positive results so far, still waiting to see how long they last or how far do they extend before posting. At the same time, as this post's subject eludes, self-improvement is hard. Progress has been slow and each day feels like a struggle -- as apparently, that is what it takes to push the body and mind to the next level. For muscle to become stronger, you have to push them to the edge until they become exhausted, and then they grow stronger. The brain, on the other hand, it has a lot of habits and resists change. And even when there is a change, it's subtle and slow, and sometimes it could go backward. So it's all kinda hard -- no wonder most people just don't bother unless they are forced to. It's hard for me to do despite what I know and my life goals of continuous self-improvement, so I don't think it's possible to ask others to do the same. 

Hence, I have been a bit sad as well due to the struggle and that realization. I have also been a bit frustrated at people around me for not trying to be better. At least now, I kinda understand -- it's hard. 

Tonight, I think something did click from the things that I have read. That's acceptance and how that relates to happiness, which I will write a post about now. 

Continuous Self-Improvement with Master Check

After telling my kids to do the right thing and explaining master vs slave behavior so many times, it eventually got tiresome and a bit annoying, and so I came up with a new idea of continuous self-improvement that doesn't require someone else to nag, which nobody likes anyway. I call it Master Check.

Master Check (MC) consists of five simple steps that's done continuously:

1. Life is a game, so have fun! :D
2. Set intentions based on your vision and life goals.
3. Be mindful of the present with acceptance.
4. Do the right thing for everything that you will be doing.
5. Be rock solid for anything that was done.

Each step has a distinct purpose. First step sets the stage and that's to have fun in the game of life, so don't be too serious. Second step sets the direction on what we want to do and where we want to go. Third step is to become aware of everything inside of and around us to better understand without judgement and expectations in order to make better decisions. Being mindful trains our bodymind to efficiently use our mental/physical energies  and should be the default state. Fourth step is to do whatever it takes to accomplish our goals in the most productive way -- the right way. The last step is to protect ourselves by stand firmly behind our beliefs and never waver, like a rock. And remember, there is a balance between the last two steps and all steps must be done, otherwise it's a partial check and not master. :)

I have been doing this for a few weeks now. It has helped me understand myself better, and also fix some bad habits of mine, such as sitting in a slouched position. I will continue to do this as I believe it is a great way to continuously improve myself, which is the first part of my life goal.

As for my kids, it was pretty effective when I first introduced Master Check, but slowly resisted as doing the right thing doesn't necessarily feel good, and so it's harder for kids to do and be rock solid. While it isn't something that the kids can do continuously, it is still a pretty good process to walk thru with them when something is wrong. Whenever my daughter is upset for various reasons, I would go thru some of the steps together with her and it fixes the problem fairly quickly and she learns more about each step. I believe, someday, she will do it by herself. For the mean time and things that she can improve herself, I only have to say "MC" and she knows what needs to be done. :D

In order to reach my full potential, I will be doing Master Check to continuously improve myself and having fun along the way.

This is part of Essential Life Skills blog series.

Achieving Happiness with Meaningful Life Goals

Last week, we talked about guiding principles for achieving life goals, where I stated my life goal is to continuously improve myself to realize my full potential and help others to do the same, so together we can do great things. That took 36 years of my life to figure out, so let's talk about why it took so long and how I finally did it, and hopefully that will help others find theirs sooner. Once there is a life goal, I believe life becomes more meaningful, and therefore achieving happiness.

To understand why it took so long, that is basically telling you my life story, which isn't that interesting and too long, so I will just summarize. I didn't cared about my life for the first 30 years until my first born, so I was just living life one day at a time trying to be happy. Then I was busy for the next 5 years juggling between work and family, and never thought about life until a year ago. That is when I started ctl.life after learning/embracing compassion with the goal of pushing myself to my limits, learn more about leadership and life, and share what I learn.

I have learned a lot in the past year, and only realized the key to a productive life is simply by doing the right thing a month ago. And then a week ago, my world was falling apart while doing the right things because I was not rock solid. The next day, I concluded that there is a balance between the two guiding principles, and they are simply tools for achieving life goals. My initial life goal is to push myself to my limits and find out what's beyond them, but I was still not happy and my unconscious mind was giving me that tinkling sensation that something was missing or wrong. I realized my life goal was incomplete as it was still ephemeral. I asked myself what am I really trying to accomplish? I want to help others too and there is only so much that I can do by myself. Finally, on 8/1/18, my life goal was complete and that is to continuously improve myself to realize my full potential and help others to do the same, so together we can do great things. I was pleasantly surprised the last part is actually a famous quote by Mother Teresa.

Most people don't think about life goals -- just living life one day at time and mostly trying to stay happy, have fun, and live a normal life (go to school, get a job, get married, have kids), which I did for the first 35 years. Some thought about them, and just gave up after considering our mortality -- what's the point if we are just going to die anyway. Well, I do believe there are several:

1. While our body will perish, our ideas and impacts live on. Albert Einstein's body is gone, but everyone still knows his name and his contributions are being used every day. Same for Steve Jobs, Martin Luther King Jr., George Washington, etc. Those people, while not living, have greater impact to everyone today than most people that are still alive! Think about that for a moment. 
2. While we are still alive, we can live like a homeless guy, an average joe, a billionaire, a pioneer/inventor, etc. Each has different levels of accomplishment and comfort. Which do you choose? I choose to accomplish as much as I can so I can live in the most comfortable way.
3. Don't like mortality? Well, maybe your life goal can be figuring out a way to achieve immortality. ;) Same for anything else that is impeding you from living your life to the fullest, change it.

Everyone actually have implicit life goals, such as staying alive and healthy, getting married and having kids, having a successful career, etc. So most people do live fairly good lives from those implicit goals. I do believe it is useful to make them explicit and ensure they are meaningful, so you get more out of life.

When you don't have explicit life goals, you are not really living your life, but just living for the sake of living. What's the point of living if there is nothing to accomplish? How do you accomplish something if you don't even know what it is? Without an explicit life goal, you are just doing what others tell you and living the minimal of your full potential. With the gift of intelligence, I think we can do better. So if you don't already have one, take some time to figure it out.

When you work, a job has many tasks/milestones/goals that need to be completed. And each goal provides motivation and direction, and satisfaction on completion. Those accomplishments provide meaning and happiness. Life goals have similar attributes but much more meaningful as they are more personal and last longer. Unlike jobs, since it's your own life, they can be whatever that you want that provides the most meaning and happiness. And the best ones are those that include other people.

It's ok to change life goals as we grow. I didn't set a goal until age 35, and changed it a year later after I learned new things, including what a life goal is. The important part is having life goals, so you know where you are going and can do the right things to get there.

The more meaningful the life goals are, the more happiness that you will get. Meaningful means goals that involve other people in a positive way. Since essentially anything we do involves other people, and likely in a positive way, therefore all life goals are meaningful, but they vary in degrees of meaningfulness. I believe there are three different levels of meaningfulness based on number of people involved: one, few, and everyone. The first one involves no one else, which may allow one to be happy temporarily and provides minimal happiness. The second one involves a few people, such as family and friends, which is quite meaningful and therefore allows one to have lasting happiness. The last one involves everyone, and therefore provides the highest level of happiness.

If you find this useful, please share with your friends and family so they can benefit too. Thank you! This is part of Living Life to the Fullest blog series.

Guiding Principles for Achieving Life Goals

Life is full of wonders and things that we can experience. To capture the experience in the fastest and safest way is by following two guiding principles:

1. Do the Right Thing: This is the fastest way to achieve goals in the long run. It is the most productive guide in helping us select the right things to do to get what we want in life. Doing the wrong things will require redo, and some things can not be undone, therefore we will never get what we want. 
2. Be Rock Solid: This provides the necessary safety and energy as we do the right things. Life can be tough sometimes and doing the right thing isn't always easy, therefore we must fully embody our beliefs and be like a rock to get us through the tough times.

There is a balance between the guiding principles. If we keep doing the right things without being rock solid, eventually our body and mind will crumble as doing the right thing doesn't necessary feel good and can be emotionally and mentally draining. If we are rock solid without doing the right things, then we are simply stubborn and will do wrong things that hurt ourselves and other people. So it's important to check and balance the two.

Lastly, the guiding principles simply enable us to do anything and get everything we want, but what exactly? There are many experiences and the most important ones are our life goals (X), which is different for everyone. Physical things are fun but aren't that interesting to me as they are ephemeral. My life goal is to continuously improve myself to realize my full potential and help others to do the same, so together we can do great things, such as understanding the mysteries of the universe. It's important to keep our goals in mind at all times, otherwise we might be doing unnecessary work that doesn't help us achieve our life goals.

What are your life goals?

If you find this useful, please share with your friends and family, so they can benefit too. Thank you! This is part of the Living Life to the Fullest blog series.

Frustrated, Angry, Sad, Lonely, and Restless? Be Rock Solid

Those were the emotions that I felt this week, so it has been an interesting and dramatic week. There were some good times too, but let's focus on the negative this time to understand them and see how to get out of it -- be rock solid.

The details of how those emotions happened isn't important, but when I had them, I was completely consumed even though I know that I shouldn't. I tried not to react to them but they constantly slip out and just won't stop since the cause was still unresolved. So everything is falling apart -- despite everything that I know about life. A lot of my essential skills were being tested. Focus was always drifting to the problem. I wasn't sure if some of my principles were right. My emotions were all out of whack. I wasn't motivated anymore.

Something has to be done, and perhaps I wasn't doing something right, even if I think I was -- doing the right things should have a happy ending and I wasn't happy, so there must be something I am doing wrong. I started active meditation (aka thinking) to understand everything and also think about possible solutions based on what I know. After many hours of active meditation til the middle of the night, I concluded that I couldn't fix the problem, and therefore following my own advice, I will have to leave it -- reluctantly.

Before leaving, the next day, I did wanted to try one last time to see if I can fix the problem. While I wasn't sure if I fixed it, but I understood the problem better and wasn't sure if leaving was necessary.

Despite everything that's happening, as I didn't want to miss my first BayPIGgies meetup and also thought it might be a good distraction, I went. It seemed the topics were for newbies, so didn't learn much, but the networking and pizza was good. And pleasantly surprised to meet one of my ex-colleague and friend there, which made the night even better. :)

After I came back and took a shower (always therapeutic), not sure what triggered it exactly, but something that another ex-colleague said about the software he writes came to mind: "It's rock solid" is his response when someone asks about the quality of his software. Everything in my world was crumbling down because I wasn't "rock solid", not my principles or ideas. I need to believe in them, especially when everything is crumbling down. So I need to be "rock solid."

To be "rock solid" means to fully embody our beliefs, not just know and do but stand behind them and never waver, like a rock.

Unfortunately, on the next day, the problem wasn't fixed. Leaving didn't feel like the right thing to do, and with my new core principle "be rock solid", I will continue and try harder to fix the problem. And even if I can't fix the problem, I won't let my emotions affect me as I am the master -- not my emotions, and will continue to keep doing the right things, especially when the world is falling down.

At the end of the day, while attending a company Happy Hour, I embodied "rock solid" mentality, so didn't let my emotions and problems distract me from having a great time with my colleagues. I was pleasantly surprised and happy to find out that one of my colleagues also has similar interest in talking about life. :D

This is part of Guiding Principles for Achieving Lifetime Goals blog series.

Details: Impediments of Doing the Right Things

This is a first post about the implementation details behind and between ideas from other posts. It's a deeper look into my thoughts and feelings, so you have been warned. 

I still believe doing the right thing is the way to go, but there are some impediments on doing them, so I wanted to write them down in order to provide a more complete picture.

So most people operate on feelings, including myself, and doing the right thing doesn't really invoke good feelings sometimes on both sides. And most people also have a tendency to see things from the worst side of things instead of good side -- cynical from all the hardships of life. So the net result is there are resistances from both sides to do the right thing.

And when you do the right things that other people don't like, then you risk loosing friendship and isolation, which nobody wants. But I am ok with that as I know nothing matters, and therefore will continue to do the right thing, and ok with no one or just a few friends that would do the right things as I do believe it will win in the long term. Negative feelings come thru as I write that, but that's ok as I am not going to be a slave to that.

I should also start to build our my website/apps collection now, but feeling a bit lazy at times, which is obviously the wrong thing to do. But more than feeling lazy, I think it's really the sheer amount of work to build modern websites that need to be beautiful and interactive, which takes a lot of engineering skills and time to do it right. I wrote a mobile diary website a while ago, but never published it as it just didn't look very good and only partially done after spending so much time on it. There are just so many choices in the tech stack and each have to be mastered to do a good job. Perhaps I should just release what I have, even if it looks bad / partially done / probably not useful at all to anyone, and then just slowly improve on it. Iterative is the key to modern software engineering. If I keep waiting until it is perfect, it would never get released.

For my kids, I started to implement an idea of "master check", which goes thru a 3-steps process (assess, validate, do) to do the right things -- it will be in the next post if it proves to be useful. It was very effective on first day as it was new, and now slowly becomes less effective and at times my daughter is feeling annoyed by it, hence not sure if I will post about it. Feeling annoyed is actually the wrong thing to do, and it is really due to the fact that she isn't doing the check herself but I have to remind her all the time -- which is still better than telling her exactly what to do as she gets to figure out what to do.

I am doing the check myself continuously, which seems to be useful. We will see how it goes for another week, and then I will post about it.

Don't be Evil and Do the Right Thing = Happy Ending

Last week, we talked about being a master or slave of your life, let's dive a bit into slave to understand the different types and the sad ending that awaits.

I think there are 3 different types of slaves: Normal, Bad, Evil.

Normal slaves are essentially most people, including myself in some areas. Despite doing the wrong things, the consequences are limited to themselves, and so it's not bad, nor good, just normal. This is a starting point for everyone. The ending can be either happy or sad depending on the % of right things done vs wrong. Happy ending is you get everything that you want in your lifetime.

Bad slaves are those that do wrong things affecting others negatively. An examples would be smoking cigarette while there are non-smokers around, or slacking off work or intentionally do poor quality work where your colleagues have to pick up after you. Those wrong actions affect others, and therefore are considered bad, and likely will have a sad ending. E.g. Someone that you love gets lung cancer via 2nd hand smoking, or getting fired from your job, etc.

Evil slaves are those that do wrong things affecting others negatively and permanently. An example would be intentionally killing someone, which is permanent. And needless to say, the ending is definitely sad on both sides.

Now that we understand the different types and their ending, how can we help them as we do want everyone to be happy? I believe we should teach them. Like a parent that sees their children doing the wrong things, we need to let them know and try to help them to do the right things. If they don't listen, then sadly, there isn't much that we can do, but luckily unlike with our kids, we can just leave them and let them be so their actions don't affect us. If leaving isn't an option, then we just have to try harder with different approaches.

As Google's motto used to say, don't be evil, and now, do the right thing.